10 Marriage Tips Every WIFE Needs to Hear


There’s a blog post that’s recently gone viral, written by a divorced man featuring some really sound advice about marriage (click here to read it).  I really have to applaud this guy.  It takes guts to stand up and be transparent about your failures.  It’s equally as commendable to stand up and say how you’d do things differently.

One thing that his post is lacking, however, is the female perspective.  After reading his post, I wanted to take some time and write down some things that I’ve learned in the last ten years.  You see – I’m now in my third marriage.  When people learn this fact about me, their reaction is usually pretty awkward.  It’s almost as if they’re waiting for me to be embarrassed by my admission. While going through two divorces was some of the most painful times of my life, I’d only feel ashamed if I’d gone through it without being able to say I’ve learned a thing or two.  My husband and I had both been through divorce before we married each other, and with that brings a unique perspective into many do’s and don’ts of how to treat your spouse. Don’t get me wrong – our marriage isn’t perfect, but our failures in past relationships have shaped decisions we make about the way we treat each other, and to be honest, I’m glad I went through it.  We’ve learned better, so now we do better.

And with that, I’d like to offer up my version of his wise marriage tips – from a woman who has triumphed the murky waters of divorce (and if you’re interested, my husband also wrote one from his perspective).

  1. Respect your husband.  – Notice how it doesn’t say “Respect your husband if he has earned it”. A man’s greatest need in this world is to be respected, and the person he desires that respect from the most is his wife.  The trap that we’ve all been ensnared by is that they only deserve our respect when they earn it. Yes, we want our husbands to make decisions that will ultimately garner our respect, but the truth is that your husband is a human being. A human being who makes mistakes. This is the man that YOU have chosen to walk alongside you for the rest of your life, and to lead your family and he needs to be respected for that quality alone. Take it from me – when respect is given even when he doesn’t deserve it, it will motivate him to earn it. That doesn’t mean you pretend that his choices are good ones when they aren’t. Things like that still need to be communicated, but you can flesh out your differences WITH RESPECT. It makes all the difference in the world to him.
  2. Guard your heart.  – The grass is not greener on the other side. Do not believe the lie that with a slimmer figure, a higher salary, a faster car, or a bigger house, you will be a happier woman. The world is full of things and people that will serve as reminders that you don’t have the best of the best, but it’s simply not true. Live the life you’ve been blessed with, and BE THANKFUL. I get that we all have struggles, and there are even times when I would love 1,000 more square feet of house to live in, but square feet is not fulfilling – relationships are. Guard your heart from things and people that will try to convince you that your life or your husband is not good enough.  There will always be bigger, faster, stronger, or shinier – but you’ll never be satisfied with more until you’re fulfilled with what you have now.
  3. God, husband, kids…in that order.  – I know this isn’t a popular philosophy, especially among mothers, but hear me out. It’s no secret that my faith is of utmost importance, so God comes first in my life no matter what. But regardless of your belief system, your husband should come before your kids. Now unless you’re married to someone who is abusive  (in which case, I urge you to seek help beyond what my blog can give you), no man in his right mind would ask you to put your kids aside to serve his every need while neglecting them. That’s not what this means. When you board an airplane, the flight attendants are required to go over emergency preparedness prior to takeoff. When explaining the part about how to operate the oxygen mask, passengers are instructed to first put the mask on themselves before putting it on their small child. Is that because they think you are more important than your kids? Absolutely not. But you cannot effectively help your child if you can’t breathe yourself. The same holds true with marriage and parenting. You cannot effectively parent your children if your marriage is falling apart. Take it from me – I tried. There will also come a time when your kids will leave the house to pursue their dreams as adults. If you have not cultivated a lasting relationship with your spouse, you will have both empty nests and empty hearts.
  4. Forgive.  – No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. If you make forgiveness a habit – for everything from major mistakes to little annoyances (every day, I have to forgive my husband for leaving the wet towel on the bathroom counter ;)) – you will keep resentment from growing.
  5. Over-communicate.  – I used to have a bad habit of not speaking my feelings. I played the standard “You should know why I’m mad” game, and that’s just downright unfair. Men are not wired like women, and they DON’T always know that they’ve been insensitive. I’m still growing in this area, and there are often times when my husband has to pry something out of me, but I’m trying to remember that I need to just communicate how I feel.
  6. Schedule a regular date night.  – This one isn’t new, but it’s very important. Never stop dating your spouse.  Even if you can’t afford dinner and a movie (which we seldom can), spending some regular one-on-one time with your spouse is essential. Don’t talk about bills, or schedules, or the kids. Frankie and I often daydream about our future, or plan our dream vacation. We connect emotionally and often learn something new about each other – even after four years.
  7. Never say the “D Word”.  – If you’re gonna say it, you better mean it. Plain and simple, threatening divorce is not fighting fair. I did this a lot in my previous marriages. I’m not proud of it, but I learned better. I was hurting deeply, and I wanted to hurt back, but it never helped me feel better.
  8. Learn his love language.  – Everyone has a love language. The way you perceive love is often different from the way your spouse perceives love. Does he like words of affirmation, or does he respond better when you give him gifts? Whatever his love language is – learn it and USE IT.  Edited to add: If you are unfamiliar with the principles behind love languages, you can learn more about it here.
  9. Never talk negatively about him.  – I learned this lesson the hard way too. If you’re going through a difficult time in your marriage and you need advice, see a counselor. Family counseling is a great tool, but try to remember that your family members and friends are not the most objective people to give advice. The argument they are hearing is one-sided and they often build up negative feelings toward your spouse, which usually doesn’t subside once you and your husband have gotten past it. Protect his image with those that you’re close with and seek help from those that can actually be objective.  News flash, ladies – your mother cannot be objective!
  10. Choose to love.  – There are times in a marriage that you may wake up and not feel in love anymore. Choose to love anyway. There are times when you may not be attracted to your husband anymore. Choose to love anyway. Marriage is a commitment. In sickness and health, in good times and in bad. Those vows are sacred. They don’t say “if you have bad times”. They say “in good times AND in bad”, implying that there WILL be bad times. It’s inevitable. So choose to love anyway. He’s worth it.

Read 7 Keys to a Happy Wife written by my husband

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1,213 thoughts on “10 Marriage Tips Every WIFE Needs to Hear

  1. Great! You brilliantly shared your experiences Karen, it is really useful. Hope you will have a beautiful life ahead.


  2. Choosing to love is such an important concept to grasp as a husband or wife! There are days when my husband drives me crazy or when I tire of putting his needs as a priority in my life, but I must remind myself that I’m called to love him and serve him. When I focus on intentionally serving my husband, the entire condition of our marriage improves tenfold. Our communication increases, my level of happiness in our marriage multiplies, and our time together is so much more special. As usual, God has the secrets to marital bliss outlined for us–it’s just our choice whether to hear them with an obedient heart.

    • Thanks for sharing this comment and thanks to Karen for writing this post ..well needed… And like karen says… I’m actually learning the hard way that family is not your source to get advice from …. So it’s nice to hear from women who are married and believe in God and their advice especially seeing how I am new to not only marriage but a faith based marriage ..thank you lady’s so much you encourage me to continue in marriage ..Praise God for you … God Bless you all and your marriages in Jesus name …amen.

  3. Thank you so much for this. No 1 would be the hardest to follow through but of all the marriage articles i have been reading to find answers to my everyday battles, this made perfect sense.

  4. Pingback: 10 Marriage Tips Every Wife Needs to Hear | Naija Housewives

  5. I love this article, it helps me a lot. Ive been going through tough times right now because of my husband. We’re still young and it seems that he still wants something in his life, but he always assure me that he loves me. I really dont know how to approach things yo him.

  6. Let’s be real…when a person has been through multiple marriages, they do have a unique perspective regarding failure. However, I have a difficult time receiving advice from said person. That may sound harsh but if we’re being honest, would anyone seek advice let’s say for instance from a stock broker who has filed for bankruptcy? No. We, instead would find a stock broker who has a proven record of success…the same is true when seeking out someone for marital advice…seeking out someone who has a proven track record of success in marriage is logically the best choice. A person who has been married for several years to the same person and is still remarkably happy, is a person one should glean from. After 31 years of marriage, ups and downs, highs and lows, I am still happy in my marriage. Sure, it hasn’t been perfect and I’ve thought about leaving and giving up a few times…but I love my husband and I didn’t give up on us when things got tough. So, when someone who has been married multiple times offers advice in marriage, I cringe…eventhough that advice may sound reliable, it is not backed up by experience and an actual, proven track record.

    • Then by all means – go read someone else’s blog if you can’t glean anything from me. I don’t claim to be an expert. Only sharing my life experiences for those that can maybe benefit from both the good and bad.

      • Phenomenal read both yours and Franks. Thank you both for sharing your own introspective experiences and sharing the wisdom and insight you both attained from them. Very admirable of you both.

      • Sure enough you expected honest opinions on your blog since it’s “public.” Your way of responding may be the reason why you have many marital experiences.

        1. You don’t care about differences.

        2.. You are not open to communicating. You just want your message out, but not vice versa.

        3. You clearly don’t respect public opinion (yet you write for the public).

        You might have some things to learn yourself before you can call it experience. Experience that you’ve learned from should be humbling, not resenting.

        • You hardly know her, and yet you are arrogantly speculating about how her communication style impacted her marriages. Honestly, your flippantly judgmental attitude, like that of Robin’s, is grossly off-putting and unwelcome to people who like to be reasonable. The less we hear from people like you, the better it will be all around. Ya, that’s MY public opinion about you.

      • I definitely can relate to your situation. My mother went through 5 marraiges. And so we all learn.Her last Husband she adores. And she follows everything you said. I have been with my husband for 18 years. And everything you said is true. We just have to follow through with it. Its not easy. But its everytime a choice you make, before you let your emotions spill the way. I still take alot of advice from my mother, because she’s been hurt so many times and made mistakes. I think its a way different thing when you doing a business deal. Emotions shouldn’t be involved, but rather wisdom.

    • I beg to differ with Robin!! I want that experienced broker or married person. They can give you perspective from both sides. Karen has failed and now seems to be successful. She knows what to do and what not to do, you only know what you should do since you and your spouse have been together so long. By the way Congrats to you both! These days you dont see alot of happily married couples. I cant wait to be where you ladies are.

    • Your comment is unnecessary and really negative we are all not in the same situation but I found her blog to be very interesting my husband and I read this together and are going to start date night even if its in our back yard…. we agreed that we need to talk about goals and dreams and not only about bills and problems! My husband and I have agreed that as partners we need to forgive and move forward…. I dont want my marriage to fail and if hers did twice three or four times im glad she’s coming to realize that as women we play a huge roll and its not always the man that fails… so thank you for sharing your story I will do my best in not to commit the same mistake others have done… this is my first marriage and failed in 2 other relationships with children involved…

    • I find it interesting that Robin has no grace and mercy! I guess she got on her bicycle for the first time, at 5 or 6 ,and never once took a spill! Perfection! Rode that suckered lile a pro! I’m guessing she has never failed at anything! Sad…
      I suppose Robin has never heard about the woman at the well where Jesus forgave her for her infidelity. I bet she missed the story of the woman about to be stoned… and how Jesus fought off the legalistic religious people, and didn’t condemn her for her sins… Hmm… I guess we can only learn from perfect people, with perfect lives, and perfect stories… Sad… I guess I need to rethink my marriage… I had a failed marriage, so did my present wife! I am able to teach and help other men through sharing my mistakes, and the pain, I went through! God has forgiven us and has used us to help many people…praise Jesus! I didn’t give up on my previous marriage…she did.

      Karen, you have what it takes sister! Thank you for opening up your heart! You know as well as I do that you are going to be judged by the world! But you also know that the blood of Christ covers ALL of your sin and mistakes…and I see you as He sees you…spotless and perfect!

      Oh, I almost forgot…got to get a male fromvthe Bible in the mix. I guess there is nothing to learn from David’s story either…even if God said he was a man after His own heart…even after the murder and adultery! Nah… nothing to learn from that part of God’s word!

    • What you’re saying is true. However , saying that her advice is no good because she has been married multiple times- I don’t agree. She lived, she learned. She worked on previous mistakes made, in her opinion, to make the next work. Maybe one of the divorces she went through had nothing to do with her. The ex husband could have cheated and she couldn’t overcome it, or it could have been something else- we don’t know! I think her advice is wonderful, (a lot of common courtesy) and shouldn’t be shunned because she has been married more than once! Lighten up! Even as you stated, you have wanted to leave- but did not. Well at the time when you wanted to leave, you may have decided to stay because things may have improved. But what if things didn’t improve? Would you have stayed? Because of children? Because of money or an adjusted lifestyle? Because “putting up with bs, it must have been or it wouldn’t have been a subject to be upset over and wanting to leave, would make you a pushover… And/or could be said to be of many different reasons which many other people would not agree to! We all should be supportive of this lady! She has owned up to her past, identified some of the problems from her past and found a new way to live happily married! She is not worshipping her husband and enslaving herself to him… She is simply thinking of others feelings and how she can do her part not to be so hard on the guy over every little thing! It’s not easy to pretend to be happy in a marriage, I’m sure. Sometimes you have to give to receive. You (generally speaking) can’t be so judgmental! Happy mom- happy kids! Happy husband- happy mom… And the same goes for the husband. Happy wife- happy husband. It’s about working together for the same goal. Husband and wife both should treat each other with love , respect, and equality!

    • I completely disagree. While having a wonderful marriage does put you in a position to share things that have worked for you, that doesn’t mean people can’t learn from others mistakes. This article hits the nail on the head in MANY respects and I applaud her for sharing. Hindsight is often 20/20 and if you’ve never had any real problems in your marriage, you may not be able to relate totally those who have.

    • Robin, Which of her points do you disagree with? What part of this blog do you find is tainted by bad advice? I’ve known people who stay together for years and live an example of how NOT to be married. I’ve been married 32 years and made mistakes that I’ve learned from and share when it’s appropriate. Finding fault in the person rather than the advice they offered isn’t helpful or uplifting. I agree, let’s be real. You offered criticism not grace and I doubt you know the circumstances of her past.

  7. You said to “Over-communicate. – I used to have a bad habit of not speaking my feelings. I played the standard “You should know why I’m mad” game, and that’s just downright unfair.”

    I can relate. I understand this and have often played that game for the first year and a half of my relationship. However; I am learning how to open up and communicate my feelings to him and to do it without being so snappy.

  8. the first and foremost thing in life is to get a good man for a husband and a perfect woman for a wife.
    but all these things comes to play when God is placed first in decision making.

  9. i married the wrong person the first go around. He became an alcoholic and was abusive. He attempted to murder me. That was it for that. My second husband has been unfaithful. On more than one occasion but every time i feel it’s time to call it quits, God nudges me the other way. I try and be a good wife. I don’t make decisions without him. I let him know when he’s upset me. I tell him I love him everyday. Sometimes it is extremely hard to do as you say. I’m pretty forgiving. You have to be if you are me. It doesn’t mean I don’t still get hurt and angry over what’s happened in the past. I’m not one to dwell. It’s forgive and move on but sometimes out of nowhere those emotions come on fast and strong. I have to talk myself down from working myself into a frenzy and taking it out on him, even though he’s the reason.

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